Marijuana Mine for South Africa

With mining production continuing to decline, it is very inspiring to see their is hope for the industry.  

I was privy to some correspondence mooting a new project that can save out mines. The following letter sets out a very feasible plan in my opinion. Thank heavens for entrepreneurs.

Brent Zetti,

Chief Executive Officer

Prairie Plant Systems Inc.
#1 Plant Technology Road
Box 19A – RR#5
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan S7K 3J8

Dear Sir

Marijuana Mining Facility 

The only connection between mining and the smoking of marijuana in South Africa, is the smoking of pot by mineworkers. Where they will insist they smoke it for cultural and traditional reasons, union leaders, expediently so, insist they smoke it to numb their senses, enabling them to face the hazardous conditions in which they are required work whilst relieving the monotony of their meaningless jobs.

The article about the threat to your operations touched me for a number of reasons, guilt being one of them. South Africans, especially those of lighter hue, you must understand, are very susceptible to guilt trips. Because of this, I could not help getting involved in a program to salvage job opportunities in a contracting mineral resource industry. 

My program is aimed at creating opportunities for retrenched and unemployed miners, robbed of opportunities by treacherous capitalists disinvesting because of prohibitive legislation and greedy and confused unions. The result; mining is driven back to, traditionally expensive countries, like Canada, a shift causing the dilemma you find yourself in. As I understand it, you are forced to close down your operations because mineral production is encroaching on your operations. 

I believe it will be possible and very lucrative to move your marijuana mining from Canada to South Africa. This may pose some challenges, but as we know, every threat brings opportunity. The biggest challenge will be safety, a big issue in South African mines. It seems that for some obscure reason, deaths in mines are, unlike murder and road deaths at the hands of taxi drivers, totally taboo. 

The safety risk to marijuana miners in South Africa however, pales in insignificance to the immense risk faced by an Inuit, trudging across the icy tundra, mile after mile, with heavy sacks of pot strapped to his back, only to die in his desperate attempt to get his valuable cargo to the nearest ice road. Mining dagga will also be safer than harvesting the it from plantations in the remote valleys of KZN, where the harvesters have to dodge police gun-ships, fitted with Browning machine guns and flame throwers and police on horse back carrying licenses to kill issued by The President in person. 

This is where I see the opportunity. By turning huge worked out areas into marijuana producing operations we can keep mineral production areas more sustainable. Providing free “medicinal” dope to the workers, we can break the power of the unions thus restoring profitability. 

Mine managers, realising the positive and strong effect dagga had on workers have been lobbying for ages to get the use of pot legalised, not only because of its performance enhancing properties but also its mind-expanding qualities. It is amazing how clever an uneducated person becomes after a single zol, no wonder it is often referred to as the “Tree-of-wisdom”. 

An added advantage is the calming effect it has on users. You can only imagine how easy mining will be if miners were walking around underground wearing “peace signs”, Rasta hairdos and ill-fitting hard hats, instead of calling for death and destruction of racist and murdering mine bosses. Sorry I’m digressing. 

With the attitude of our new Minister of Mines, keen to promote the nationalisation ideas of our designated future president, who coincidentally, started his campaign for mine nationalisation at about the same time as your woes were reported, we will have to move fast. I honestly believe the young man, from appearance and the things he say, is obviously a serious participant in the pleasures afforded by the magical herb. I say this with conviction, his behaviour, to my expert eye, seems to indicate a state of almost constant intoxication. 

Given the situation I outlined, I am certain you agree, we cannot allow a quality resource such as yours to be destroyed by ruthless miners in Canada who will always put profit ahead of pleasure and wellness, nor can we allow a bunch of pothead Marxists to control the world’s Marijuana supply. I can only imagine the consternation of pot smokers, recreational or otherwise, the world over at the news of the imminent closure of your Marijuana mine and the threat of their stash in the hands of drug-crazed ideologists. 

I believe with the fragile state of mining in South Africa we can secure enough closed down mines to move your operations to these shores. By giving the current President, the future president and the minister of mines a cut of about 30% in the company, we can secure their support and kill the nationalisation idea, simultaneously creating the prospect of attaining lucrative stakes in viable mines in exchange for protection against state interference. 

I trust you will give my idea serious consideration. 

Yours Faithfully

Jorik Dumfries


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: